The tides of my life have ebbed and flowed, in tune with my soul. One year after another the pefection of my trail becomes highlighted. Looking back across the exspanse of one year, than three, than completing a cycle of my life.
At seven years old I knew what it was, to be a human on earth. I knew what it meant to be good and that I didn’t want to be bad. I knew that my mother and father were there for me and that I had confidence in life.
My mural had been painted giving my life meaning and a complete pathway had been lain before me and all i had to do was step into it. If i went to school and excelled, listened to my parents, and kept my surroundings pleasent than the rest would come. Following my mother and adoring my father seemed natural and presenting at all moments the best of me, was what i was supposed to do. I questioned a lot of things, but i found solice in playing with bugs, climbing trees, and being with the family dog.
That first seven years unfolded into what I felt at the time, were the years of decimation. The years of lonliness and suffering and inner turmoil. I begun out of what today I can expound upon as heartaches and systemaitic shatterings of what I thought was and what actually was, revealing itself to me, but I internalized all of the outer chaos and came to believe that I was not enough!
I was not tall enough, small enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough, and i didn’t have big enough dreams and I didn’t do enough. I wasn’t girly enough, proper enough, I didn’t have enough street creds, and i wasn’t playing the game of life well enough. I smiled though, I smiled and abaited my fears with a flare that was uniquely my own.
I moved around a lot as a child and it was earth shattering, yet offered me opprotunites of expansion that I otherwise would not have gotten so early in life. With each location switch, I was also given ample opprotunities to recreate myself: i was the popular one, the geek, the bully, the side kick, the know it all, and the quiet one. I allowed these labels to plaster my psyche creating splinterings of what personality traits I gave precedence too in any given moment. I came later on to name the four most distinct of my personality traits and only recently have I remerged them as one. I became the queen at running game to get what i wanted and found a routine in doing just enough to appear excellent, because the system made cracking the codex too easy.
I was a A B student, on the honor society, debate team and joined into student politics and talent shows. I was well liked, though I dealt with the usual put downs, casual crushes, and the constant seeking for approval.These seven years were pivetol in who I am now. It was during these years that I lived strctly to impress others, I had that “voice” in the back of my head telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, and I was torn between going to teen clubs and playing with my barbie dolls. I fought a long hard war within and won!
The full unslought of angst and excitment, social outcastment and acceptance, growth and stagnation, and solemn lonliness and depression and beauty and magik plagued each of my days until, one day i made the concious decision that A. I would no longer listen to that damning voice that screamed I should do this or that or be labeled a failure. B. I gave up the kids toys and entered into the world of social exchange and building friendships that would last me throughout high school and possibly my life, and C. I declared that since it seemed no one had all of the answers to life and we were all given our seperate lives to live that I would begin to live each moment based on what I wanted, needed, and desired at that moment.
I thought the transformation would be grueling, but it wasn’t I simply made a decision to see my world from a new perspective. I changed the way I thought and talked to myself, encorporating self love to build my self confidence in order to better trust my self judgement. I stopped comparing myself to others(this tok about a year of constantly reasserting to myself that I was not them and they were not me) and I decided that if I was going to be alive, I’d make the most of each moment. I made a concious effort to no longer say “no!” to opprotunities because I was uncertain about the outcomes.
Thses few, but paramount changes afforded me a very interesting teenage experience wrought with all of the heartache, exhileration and freedom that comes with growing up, and growing out of the old way of doing things. I became a center of peace for my friends, a confident and a sort of guidance counsler. So naturally, I entered college to become a psychologist.
Right, before I graduated I took a psychology course that opened my eyes to the realm of psuedo psychology, a realm i knew from as early as i could rememeber. The paranormal, occult and mysterious had always intrigued me and finding a pathway to this in the “real world,” unleashed within me, a force I had not before felt. The prescence of knowing that my passion for a good conspiracy, my prayers to invisible ancestors and my path through yoga and meditation would in fact be able to continue after “grade school.”
I was swept up into Spirit that first year of college. I had already tasted the life of religon briefly before coming into college through books mainly and my own personal prayers, I also had come to know of and practice the tenants of the life of the yogi, the following of the tantric arts of sacred expression through sex had manifested in my life and the world of the cosmic metaphysical journey of hybrids and ancient anomolies aliens or angels and demons and ghost, witches, and spirit beings had already found a home within, but my freshmen idle time was used surging through with a compulsive force all of these things and more, using books and the internet to pick up the bread crumbs of a life I only thought was there. Though, i had always been into these strange and phenmoneal thigs, I have always been afraid of the unknown, but more and more I was taking risk and experienceing life. I was always told that i had a “hard head,” but as i said then, and now, I learn through the experience of being alive, feeling and seeing and inserting myself into the story.
I’ll slow down here, as each of our lives are a grand unveiling in and of them selves, but the point here is to catch you up to my current location in the vastness of space and time.
I had a kundalini awakening, or what my research and spirit will lead me to state was one. Others may call it a spiritual awakning or quickening, or being flushed with the prescence of God. This was followed by spiritual malease my sophmore year of college. The experience came on the coat trails of deep mediatations and trance work, I knew I was on to something life altering and I again was pretty obsessive with “awakening,” and was looking and creating new ways to push the envelopes of my spiritual light. I wasn’t healthy thouigh, i had put on well over the freshmen 15 and was keeping really late nights and working 48-60 hour weeks. The surge of this new energy was very powerful and was either going to find a way to intergrate into my being that in which I had evoked or break me trying.
I created a dis ease.
My body reaked havoic with me in the form of psuedo tumor cerebri for the better half of a year.
I fought that war, and won it too!
I used positive affirmations, yoga and dance, sunlight and water, walking miles and miles a day, enriching my life in nature, love and kinship, laughter and meditation, reading and writing, and completley changing my diet and enviornment to shed 80 pounds, and that dis ease, the uncertainty of self, and the unecessary avenue sof self expression i had used in the past and embraced a truly transformed me!
I left university that next year, and hadn’t planned to come back, but little did I know there was another war already beginning one that would unveil my new path.
I met my life partner, got marriad and through fear of not being enough got back into school. It was miserable, but necessary because the next year when i left I knew i wasn’t going back. I begin my path to self actualization in my 21st year on this earth, i begin to release my self imposed and the actual holds that others, society and fear had attached to me. I begin to activate, clear and balance my chakra system, and i begin to adopt and incorporate periods of fast and true acts of gold into my life. I begin my journey: being Golden Unifire, after a 10 day fast at the winter solstice of 2012. I shaved all of my hair off and entered into an agreement with myself. i would be free, I would live my life for me, and I would create the earth that i most wanted to live on, through me and how I lived my lifestyle. I decided that i would take full responsibility of my life and that I would embark on a quest to oneness.
At the beginning of the new year i recieved my name from spirit, Golden Unifire, it was to be used to share, connect and deliver myself to the world. It was a representation of the Golden light I sought to attain, the perfect divinity that I am, and the golden gold of light that radiates outside and inside of my very being. the alchemical journey of Gold and the ancestral activation of my forgotten lives, lessons and journey’s back and forth dancing with the all that is. It would represent me in all of my sacred esscence, the fullness of my activated chakras and the soaring of my untappered heart, and the infite potential of my wombanhood. As the creator of my reality. I had been given the key to my heart and a direct connection to my eternal resonance. In turn i gave God the name A.spirit and we have been singing and dancing, weaving through this year in perfecting our pitch. I was told by spirit that my 22nd year would be a year of activation, 11:11 in realization. I would come to understand the nature of who I am, and I would begin a seven year journey that would blow me again and again.
It has been a year, and I must say, spirit whispered the truth!
Golden Unifire is a movement, a journey, a lifestyle and I Am just beginning to dive into my infinte waters with ease and grace, capturing the abundance that is mine, and sharing the experience with all.
**I offer lifestyle consultatons and chakra readings to guide you into your own center of peace in the midst of the inferno.
May Peace Be Yours.
sorry for any gramatical errors I wanted to release this post today and didn’t proofread as thoroughly as i might have.